So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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