The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
