I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
