Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
