god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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