god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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