Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
