I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I supernannyed him into submission
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
