im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
