I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
