My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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