Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
