I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
