My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize