I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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