pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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