piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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