i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't like sucking hair
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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