Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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