I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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