Umm I'm too high to move.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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