You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
