Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
MIDGETS
????
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
