I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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