Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
