She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
