Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
