The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
