It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
