and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
