God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
