Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
