you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
