it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize