his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
