If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
