Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
