Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't turn off my feet"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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