SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
