You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
