Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
