dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
