Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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