she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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