Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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