woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
