Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
only you would photoshop your dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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