Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
