Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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