arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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