Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
