Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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