Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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