she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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