I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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