My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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