cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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