so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
