So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
