It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hippo gnu deer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
