I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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