thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
